beka-tiddalik:

queenieeegoldstein:

queenieeegoldstein:

apparently my boss who is a professor at my school doesn’t have a cell phone and his coworkers were upset by this so they bought him a childs toy phone and labeled it “David’s jitterbug” (for those of you that don’t know jitterbugs are phones made for old people that have like massive buttons and shit) so the other day I walked into his office to ask him a question and he pressed a button on it which made it start loudly playing the ABCs and he said “excuse me I have to take this” and then started singing along to the ABCs while shooing me out of his office

this is the phone. he apparently was in the middle of a meeting with the department the other day and got annoyed so he pressed a button, said “I have to take this” and left

David’s co-workers probably: “This is a valid tactic to embarrass him into buying a mobile phone, right?”

David: “Bold of you to assume that I get embarrassed.”

vampireapologist:

vampireapologist:

vampireapologist:

I don’t hang out with white dudes who use mustache wax anymore bc it’s only a matter of time b4 they fall in love with me and find out I’m gay and write a song on their…idk..their fuckin harpsichord or banjo or ukulele about the girl from the forest who broke their heart but also they don’t even like hiking

i know this seems oddly specific & that’s bc it is

3 times

chefpyro:

chefpyro:

good thing this here internet box exists. back in the 12th century or whatever i would have had to shout my bullshit from the window

me hanging out my window in the dead of night, 1127 AD: I HAVE TWELVE TOES AND SEVEN EYES

a guardsman, already aiming for my nuts with his crossbow: SHUT YON FUCKETH MOUTH